she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
