the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
