So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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