Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
