Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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