Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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