he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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