she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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