If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
