I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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