I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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