I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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