Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
