Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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