My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
