hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
