Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He kissed a someone with a penis
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
