I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just found puke in my bra..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
