uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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