everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
