There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
