The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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