Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
