Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
