Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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