Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
