Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
