dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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