i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
