Sry I called you an 8
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
