four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
