Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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