I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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