Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
