My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
