Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
