It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
