I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
