Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
