I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I want is dick and wine.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
