I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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