you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
