just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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