i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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