I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
