So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
