I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
