Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
