Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I forgot wine drunk hurts
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
