drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
