thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
