On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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