i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
