I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
