I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize