Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
