well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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