My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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