I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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