I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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