Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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