I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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