Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
