plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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