I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
