I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
