Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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