I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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