Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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