I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
