oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
