M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
