i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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