And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
