Tell her she can't have a vagina
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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