mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
