Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
