She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
