So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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